I haven’t written a BLOG in two weeks. I owe this dilemma to my inability to integrate my own journey with the journey of the world. I refuse to watch the news but it still makes its way into my mind and affects my personal suffering. I wish I didn’t care, but I do. I always have. My concern and worry is pointless unless I can do something about it. I can’t change the world; I can only change myself and that’s where my focus needs to be. I can’t take away the lies of our present situations but I can do something about my own ability to be honest. I believe if the opportunity arises and I CAN do something about the present direction the world is going that I will. Even if I’m putting my life in danger, I can stand up for what I believe in.
Right now, people are fighting for their beliefs and personal freedoms. Others are battling with nature. I have to keep reminding myself that the world has always been in disarray. There were wars as well as nature’s fury going on in my teens. People say things are worse now, but are they really? I suffered from nightmares of nuclear war when I was 15. Has anything really changed? I have long believed that our democracy is a myth, that we are all bending a knee to something that isn’t real. This is not news to me. My fears now are no worse than my fears when I was young. At the age of 15, I had decided that I would never have kids. I couldn’t bring myself to introduce life into a world that was busy destroying itself. I’ve never regretted that decision.
I have to ask myself, why am I letting the rest of the world dictate my own personal journey again. I guess there might be a greater sense of US and THEM right now and that fear is a driving force behind the volatility of the world. But hasn’t that always been the case? Sure, more people are aware now, but shouldn’t that make me feel safer? Nothing is safe. Nothing is pure. I just can’t believe that I’m in the same space I was in 45 years ago. It makes me want to cry. It affects my sanity. I’m in need of some senseless endeavours. I have to let it go. I have to change the only thing I can–ME. And while I’m busy doing that, the world will continue to destroy itself. But I have a responsibility to myself and, in that, to others, to hold it together and keep hanging on.
There is a tiny flame inside of me that believes there is good in the world and that, for that, I need to press on. I need to write and share my story because others are struggling with this too. We are good. Maybe not pure, but good. We are doing our best to make this world a better place just by getting to know ourselves and asking hard questions. We go into dark places because we are brave and want to be our best selves. I share my space with you because I think you’re worth it! Just have to remind myself of that every once in a while. Hang in there and believe in the truth of your SELF!
peace balance empathy