Toes in the Wilderness

My own psyche hurts sometimes. Where do I go from here? Where have I already been? Is this safe? Will it be ridiculed? What will others think? All blockages to creativity and authenticity. Two attitudes that mean more to me than anything. But, what is authenticity and how is creativity defined? It’s here that I falter, for who am I to make a judgment over these states of being? And still, I yearn for them. I don’t want to care what other people will think, but I do. I don’t want to be stuck and at a loss for words, and yet, I am. I want to breathe deep and exhale my truth, my story without the ‘hangers on’ behind, beside or in front of me. To dip my toes into my own reality and face it without the worry of failing others.

Step 1,2,3 and 4? “JUST DO IT”. Three simple words that throw a solid punch–if you listen to them. So, here I go, into the depths of my inner world where there are many characters, some of whom I don’t even know yet. They speak of good and bad, failure and success, loss and gain and all the other dichotomies of the world we live and die in. I’ll make the argument that we all experience these opposite states during the process of life and death. 

I want to draw your attention towards ‘authenticity’ and ‘deception’. First of all, are they even dichotomies? Authenticity is defined as being genuine, legitimate and having ‘undisputed’ credibility. Think of that word–undisputed–and its meaning. It isn’t questioned, cannot be denied and can’t be challenged. That’s a pretty pure state of being; one, I would question achieving in a single lifetime. Deception is defined as misrepresentation, deceit or a misleading falsehood. So, can an individual be authentic and deceptive at the same time? If one is a deceptive and deceitful person who displays misleading falsehoods, is he/she being authentic? I would admit that, for me, if someone is an undisputed liar, I don’t want to associate with them. I’m just not ‘sure’ if that deception is being authentic?

Authenticity, for me, comes from deep inside. From a place that has been explored, tried, disputed and explored again. If I were to become completely authentic, if I gave a voice to all the characters in my head, you would no-doubtably be overwhelmed, not to mention, confused and maybe even worried–about my state of mind. You would like me some of the time, but not all of the time. And, you know what? That should be okay! If we are to be liked ‘all of the time’ then I don’t believe we are being ‘real’. In fact, pleasing others becomes our life and we never do anything for ourselves–which is no way to live; at least, I don’t think it is. Of course, we can please others at times, when it is healthy for us to do that, but if we do it all the time, we will find ourselves resentful, overwhelmed and, potentially, ill.

The real question we have to put to ourselves isn’t how much people respect our ability to always please others, but how honest a human we are. Honesty is healthier, keeps you happy, and can free you up to help others when you really want to. Yes, sometimes, we do things we don’t want to do to help others out, but I don’t think it should be a constant habit that takes us to a place of grudges and ill feelings and it just can’t hamper our own happiness, joy and pleasures; we don’t have the time and energy it takes to be people pleasers; it can destroy both our friendships with others and the relationship we have with ourselves. 

Authenticity requires us to know our truth, define it and live by it. Boundaries need to be placed, but not lightly. Thought goes into making the decisions relating to what life throws at us; that same reasoning needs to go into the relationships we have and how we behave when in them. Honestly and respectfully? Or begrudgingly and resentfully? I believe having a strong and sturdy mind is as important as a healthy body. We have to take care of that; we have to know ourselves and our own limits and respect them. Only we can live the life we desire; only we can change and grow ourselves. It can sometimes be a constant struggle but we can only guarantee our own actions and responses; we need to step up and be seen–as we truly believe ourselves to be.

peace balance empathy