Longing…

…for love, for that perfect job, that child…it’s something we’re so passionate about that it takes our breath away. We can spend our whole lives chasing a wistful yearning deep inside. And, it changes. With time, with emotional growth, with age, with reality, our longing for that precious desire transforms within. Maybe we get what we’re longing for or, perhaps, we move on. I wonder, though, if our unmet deep desires can forever haunt our psyches?

Possibly, we live a life of “what ifs” that strain our relationships, our connection to others and to ourselves. What if those unmet longings follow us into our new ideals and passions and actually thwart our ability to thrive? How do we overcome the barriers born within us because of unfulfilled longing and desire? Is this even a place we want to explore or would we rather ignore it and move on? I believe there are three possible paths we can face: 1) Our longing is met, 2) The unmet desire remains stuck where it was formed, or 3) We experience the grief of our unfulfilled passion and move on.

If our longing is met, we simply move on, likely in a healthy, satisfied way. But what if reality steps in and literally makes our passion unachievable? What happens then? I believe it is likely that the unmet desire remains stuck and threatens our ability to connect with others in a rewarding way. Possibly the future of our relationships is stripped of any healthy interactions period. So, how does one go about healing the loss of our longings? As with any other loss, we grieve.

I strongly believe that, unless we can grieve our loss of longing, we simply cannot move forward without threatening the connections we make with others. By entertaining the idea of our desire, we have stepped into the possibility of losing, not something we already have, but something we long lovingly for. When stripped of our passion, we experience a loss within us that is just as heartbreaking as the loss of something tangible; it is a death that leaves us empty, fatigued and lost. In order to move on from this, we need to grieve. We need to wail. We need to be incensed. We need to face our deprivation because it…is…real! We can’t allow others to make light of our situation. I can’t emphasize this enough. We must grieve! We have earned the right; we have suffered and we MUST acknowledge this before we move on. Our relationships are on the line. The future is looming. Allow yourself the space and the time you need to battle this heartbreak. You deserve it! You are worthy!