FEAR

I’m debating on what I will talk about today. Even as I write this, I haven’t decided how it is going to turn out or what I am going to say. I guess I will begin with my truth. I am very disturbed by the way our world and our country, in particular, is dealing with Covid. And maybe I’m most disturbed by my own inability to set my truth straight. Quite honestly, I don’t know yet where I stand and I feel some shame about that. Whereas others seem to be certain and confident about what they believe, I am still sitting on the fence. I’m not willing to commit to one view or the other. I hate that we’ve been divided into US and THEM! Maybe I will just take a moment to explain something I am quite sure about as I stand on the outside looking in. I believe everyone’s truth is controlled by fear! There seems to be only two ways of looking at how Covid has impacted our world. Either people are afraid of getting Covid and dying or they are afraid of our government’s tyranny and the vaccine. I don’t seem to be afraid of either.

Some days I find myself questioning the government’s decisions–both federal and provincial–and other days I question whether or not I am safe walking around without a mask on. Once again, in my life, I find myself caught in a dichotomy between truth and lies and fiction and reality. I have to catch myself there and go back to fear as that is what is driving both of these views. Is there any substance to either of them? Do we really need to be afraid of either one or the other? Or is there some happy medium right down the centre that can explain each. Do we need to be afraid of each other, I wonder? Are both extremes dangerous? Ah, now that hit a real nerve.

Is that where I stand? Am I driven by the fear of either ultimatum? Have we always lived in fear of something? Is that just what drives us in general? Is that why anxiety is so rampant in our society and in my life, in particular? I’m sitting here trying to think of what life was like before Covid. It’s not an easy thing to conjure up and that really scares me. I have to take a moment and really think here. Took some time to ponder and I believe maybe death motivated us before Covid. Then, of course, we were slapped in the face with death! I remember Italy was hit pretty hard with Covid when the scare first came out because of their aging population. I think their numbers put the fear of God into us. I wonder, now, if that fear wasn’t embellished somewhat at the time.

I don’t have clear answers to any of my questions about either the fear of Covid or the fear of our government’s tyranny and vaccines. Thus, I sit on the fence. I hope, for the sake of mankind, that both fears have been exaggerated and that we can begin to live our lives again. I do, however, fear the division in our society. I think that is a very real fact that fuels my own anxieties at the moment. It’s been good for me to work that out here. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to explore my own fear.

Peace, Balance, Empathy!