It’s really difficult to process life in general, and once you’re this far into the wilderness, it gets even worse. Joyous words for certain. Should life be difficult to navigate? Or should things run smoothly and in control? As much as that would be nice, it is not the way life goes when experiencing reality. It throws curve balls and tries to drown us in inadequacies and short-comings. Scarcity runs rampant and our beliefs of never being good enough, smart enough or diligent enough, run rampant. And even though we’re always fighting these feelings, we seldom win unless we take stock of our insecurities and face them head on. Those things we want to hide from others? We can take them and broadcast them. Make them visible. Rely on them to keep us honest in our pursuit of happiness. It doesn’t make us weaker or less valuable; it makes us stronger and more aware. Who doesn’t want that? Facing the fear of inadequacy stabilizes us and gives us permission to accept differences in perception. Relying on and celebrating these short-comings actually motivates us to become better participants in our own lives.
Do we strive for perfection? Some of us, yes, but achieving that is beyond our capabilities and as much as we don’t want to admit that, it is true. Having said that, we can say we believe it, and still strive for the best out of ourselves. Take note, that our best isn’t perfect, but it needs to be good enough because that’s as far as we can reach. We have limitations. Yes, we do! And these turn into boundaries. Boundaries with ourselves and with others. Boundaries are based on our limitations. There needs to be a point where we say, “enough!”. I’m not doing this anymore and nobody’s going to take me beyond this. It’s not healthy for me or for others interacting with me. Boundaries enforce reality checks and everybody needs them.
So, why is it so difficult for some of us to form boundaries? I don’t know about you, but for me, it’s more about pleasing everyone. And even when I say I’m not doing that (pleasing everyone), I am. Or, at least, I’m trying. Yes, even when I don’t want to do that, I still try. Why? I ask myself. Right here, right now…why? Is it the fear, maybe, of upsetting people? I guess, for me, that is true. Because upsetting people is taboo? Yes, it’s mean and even scary, sometimes, to upset people. Fear of losing that person as a friend and possibly hurting their feelings can be awkward for sure, but what about our feelings? Don’t they count? If we hurt ourselves while protecting others, is that healthy? Or even necessary? Our own feelings don’t count? The wear and tear on our own energy, while trying to please others, just doesn’t seem as important as the stress we think we might put upon others.
Personally, I think–although, I don’t always practice this–setting boundaries is good for everyone. It’s just about taking that leap into that unknown realm. Being knee deep in the wilderness is about courage and commitment to ourselves and others. It’s about honesty and integrity. Two facets of life that, at least for me, are extremely important. To be honest about our limitations in any area of our lives, while difficult, is still necessary for everyone’s sanity. How can our own experience mean less than someone else’s? It can’t. Because it is ours and our personal journey is just as important as anyone else’s. But, really, if we’re being honest, our own journeys are what we should be focusing on. How do we navigate life with honesty and integrity and not set boundaries? I don’t think it is possible. But, let’s just stew over that for a while.
Know your limits and adjust your expectations of both yourself and others. I am speaking to myself here, also! Think carefully about what you are doing and ask: How is this affecting me? Am I feeling resentful? Stuck? At a loss? Because if we’re feeling these things, boundaries need to be set–for everyone involved. Try not to walk on eggshells…try to be true to yourself; everything else, I believe, will fall in place.
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Life's Lessons and Mental Health 