Love: Understanding What You’re Giving and Expecting to Receive.

Let’s go back to the beginning of our lives again…to birth. The love we receive will have an influence over the love we learn to give, don’t you think? We aren’t born with an innate desire to love; we learn from what we receive in our early years. How was love modeled for us when we were young? How is it modeled these days? Where do we see love? How do we respond to being loved? What does love feel like? On social media, we talk about being kind to one another–a lot! Is this a form of love?  I believe If I asked 10 people what love meant to them that I would receive at least 5 different responses, if not more. Why is this even important? Well, are we all looking for the same thing? Expecting the same thing? Maybe I should put out a survey.

So…I asked the question…What does Love mean to you? I received an answer from two brave souls. Why so few? Are people afraid of answering for some reason? Or, are they unsure? Maybe, unlike my other posts, this one did not get recognition? So…what is love? I researched a bit and found several different types of love. Many of these are found in the Bible, but even if you are a non-believer, I think you would agree that love comes in different forms for different situations and different people. For instance, I have an out-flowing of love for the people of L.A. right now–all of them. But it is a different kind of love than I have for my sister, for example. Although, as I sit and think about this…when I am feeling really close to my Self, my inner Spirit, the type of love I can have for a stranger is, initially, the same as the love I hold for my closest friends and family.

Another question about love that comes up for me, is understanding when love is actually codependency? Here are the definitions of the two:

LOVE–have a great affection or liking for; enjoy, get pleasure from

CODEPENDENCY–excessive emotional or psychological reliance on someone else

I suppose, we then have to define and compare ‘excessive’ and ‘great’; although, the word ‘reliance’ in the codependency definition DOES separate the two. Affection, liking and pleasure are different from ‘reliance’. Although, I’m sure codependency has a certain amount of love within it. Relying on something seems to indicate that the person could not survive without the other person. So, if that ‘love’ or person is taken away, the codependent can not survive? Whereas, LOVE, if removed, will be painful but not life-threatening?

This leads to my argument that self-love is necessary before one can truly love another. Without self-love, there is no true love? Is it codependency?  This then brings me to another self-truth…I used to be codependent in my love for my nephews…I didn’t think I could live without them…if something had happened to them when I was in my 30’s, 40’s and maybe even my 50’s, I would have just died. Let’s just say, I think I believe this. As difficult as it is for me to admit that I’ve been codependent, it is the truth. Self-love has saved me from codependency and it has allowed me to feel love for my fellow humans–both near and far. 

This brings us back to my original question, What is Love? Does everyone have their own definition? How similar or differentiated are these understandings? Are we all looking for the same thing? Or, in actual fact, are our desires for love different? How can we satisfy each other if our ‘idea’ of love is not the same? When someone says, “I love you”, what do they really mean? And, if a person doesn’t have self love, how do they even know what love is? Finally, is this understanding of love even important? I think so, or I wouldn’t have written all this. It’s important because we are sharing love with each other. But if everyone’s definition and understanding of love is different, how do we offer it to one another? 

Will more people answer my question now? What Does Love Mean to YOU? Could you share your answer with your loved ones? Would they have the same response? I think this is important…what if we’re not all looking for or sharing the same perception of love?

peace balance empathy