Humanity Disclosed

Humanity. What does it mean to you? Who are we as humans? This is the one thing we all have in common and yet, I believe, we often strip each other of that right…yes, the right to be human. We often expect perfection of ourselves and we unwittingly expect it of others also. Are we perfect? Should we strive to be something we can never achieve? Should we demand that others be what they can never be as well? It’s a little outrageous, don’t you think? It might be alright to shoot for our best, but even our best isn’t perfect.

We demand it though, in our relationships, “they should know how I feel”… even though we haven’t said anything about how we feel…we expect others to read our minds. Or things get exaggerated from repeated conversations (gossip) and we hear something that really isn’t true but take it to heart, and we are hurt. We don’t even bother to check things out with our fellow-human, because, “they SHOULD know better” and “I’m not going to be treated that way” in reaction to something that isn’t even real but an elaborated version of truth. 

Jumping to conclusions and not “checking things out” when we have questions about how we’ve been treated, become our initial responses and we move forward in response to a fictitious sentiment. I believe this shortens our willingness to try and understand. Is it too painful? I counter with it being really painful not to check things out, not to try and understand. These things can be clarified with questions but we’re too stubborn to ask. Or maybe people just aren’t listening. If people aren’t listening, that’s something else…

Listening seems to have become a forgotten trait. Now, we just assume and move on, usually with our own opinions and states, not managing to hear what others have to say…is what we say more important than what others have to say? Are we afraid of what others will tell us? In some cases, I guess this is true but is that because we’re afraid of looking at ourselves, at our own shortcomings? Our own inadequacies? Because facing them is too shameful or painful? I have so many screwed up versions of myself that I’m overwhelmed sometimes…that is my humanity…and I need to be aware of them so I can try and fix them. If we keep going on pretending we don’t have any, we become the narcissist. The very person we despise…we are. You are NOT perfect and pretending to be only causes you, and others, stress. Recognizing this is paramount to change and change is something we, as humans, need to experience if we are to grow. Of course, there is always the option to stay stagnant, to never change our ways, to grow in limited areas of our life and to an extent that rarely challenges us. 

I am 61, approaching 62, and I still have reasons to change. My number one reason is that I want to be genuinely happy. I’ve had a taste of what that’s like. A taste that many may never know. I am grateful. I want more of that and it begins with honesty and integrity. It starts with understanding ourselves and others, as humans, as individuals with shortcomings and inadequacies. All of which separates us from each other but also brings us together. Celebrating these pieces of ourselves, taking the time to negotiate the practice of understanding ourselves and others, leads us to develop a sense of our own limitations and the limitations of others. Our humanity, the one thing we all have in common, comes to light and when we admit those limitations, we allow ourselves and others to share in the gifts of imperfection.

peace balance empathy