I have multiple parts. These parts engage with mySelf and others as I proceed through my days. What do I mean? Well, for example, I have a 2 yr old part who feels abandoned, guilty and lost in a world without connection. This was her experience when she was 2. She got stuck there and showed up in my life whenever I lost someone. I lost my Grandmother when I was 2. I had developed a strong connection with her and suddenly she was gone. Part of me got stuck there and it has interfered with my life ever since–until I welcomed her (the two yr old) back into my life. All her little feelings that escalated into big feelings, I welcomed with compassion and curiosity. I gave her what she needed myself. This process brings us back to ourselves–who we truly are. You see, I believe, this multiplicity is in all of us. We all have parts that have broken away from ourselves due to some circumstance, act or perceived altercation in our lives–often, these are our very young selves.
This 2 yr old part has shown up whenever I have felt abandoned by others–yes, I felt like a 2 year old and, for the most part, acted like a 2 year old, even though I was older. Imagine, a 2 yr old showing up when you’re 28 and have just broken up with the love of your life. Possibly, you experience the temper of a 2 yr old; you experience rejection as if you were 2, instead of 28! This, then, activates parts that want to protect you from the pain–you set up walls and don’t let anyone in. Or it activates parts that want to manage the pain–you people please in order to minimize the amount of abandonment you experience. All these are just examples of how our multiplicity functions in our lives.
I gave my 2 yr old the love and compassion she needed when she was 2. I held her, whispered in her ear how much I loved her and told her she was enough…I cared for her and she responded–like any 2 yr old would–to my acts of love. I healed her; mySelf healed her. How did I manage to do this? It definitely takes a bit of imagination or faith, I suppose, to believe that this can be done, but the proof is in my ability to accept and believe in mySelf, as I am, right now, 61 years old, not 2 yrs old. Surrendering to my 2 year old, hearing her out, satisfying her 2 year old needs, myself, allows her to settle down and not show up as a 2 yr old when I am faced with the possibility of abandonment again. I will respond as a 61 yr old who knows she is enough, knows she is loved and lives accordingly.
Different parts show up in our lives all the time. Think of that time you, or someone close to you, acted like a little child in response to a stressor…temper tantrum? Crying uncontrollably? Lashing out anger? Showing no concern for another’s feelings? These are parts coming out. Young parts whose needs have not been met. They need love, attention and compassion. Get curious about what they need; don’t judge them. Their needs are real and they will continue to act out until we meet those needs for them. We do it, ourselves. Don’t wait for someone else; they will never come. Do it yourself. This is Internal Family Systems Therapy. Read about it. Question it. Try it out. You deserve this!
Life's Lessons and Mental Health 